How to Eat an Elephant

How do you eat an elephant??? One bite at a time.... This is a saying that most of us have heard. It means that if you have a big problem or challenge, you take it little by little. when you are trying to accomplish something, it seems like everything that can go wrong does! At times you may feel on top of the world, ready to take on anything it has to offer. Then at other times, you feel completely alone, like no one in the world knows how you feel and can't possibly understand what you are going through. The important thing you have to remember is, God is always with you. He knows where you are and what your going through. The enemy would love to make you feel alone and isolated, but know that there are people around who love you and, believe it or not, know exactly what you're walking through.
Sometimes it feels like I will never beat this thing and that I keep running in a circle. But I realize now, the more I rely on him and stop looking to other things to comfort me, the more I learn who I truly am. I believe that as I let go of my bondages, the chains will simply fall away. Most of the time we are in a mess because we refuse to let go. We are holding onto the things that cause our own destruction. The thing that hurts us the most is the thing we run to most often. God put it on my heart like this... When you have an emergency, who is the first person you call?? Most of the time it's a family member or a pastor. We often make God an after thought. He should be our hiding place! He should be the one we run to in times of need! I think that sometimes we believe that God will listen to others prayers before you, but he is waiting for us to talk to him!
As I allow God to peel back the layers of hurt, shame, guilt, pride, envy, etc.... I am learning more and more that I need to simply Let Go!! I have to cut myself some slack and stop beating myself up over little mistakes. We are our own worse critics! I have such a horrible need to figure things out and I worry about how things will turn out. Lately I have learned that I am terrified of actually losing the weight. I keep wondering, will people treat me different? Will I still be the same person I am now? When I lose it all, will I just gain it back?? But these questions are not important. I have to just let God be God in my life and realize He's got me. He made my inner most being. If he can create me, he can align my body with his word. I just have to LOVE MYSELF enough to allow myself to have it. I will be successful and do you know why? Because God is bigger than any situation and I choose to trust in Him and not in my own ability any longer. I choose to dedicate my life to HIM each and every day!!!
If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask! I have decided to live my life in freedom. and where there is freedom, there must be vulnerability! I love you all! Let me know what you think. :) ;) :P :D

Inner Battle and learning to stand

As I said in my last blog I have started counseling. I am learning more and more about myself, but most of all, I am facing my fears. I have stopped running from my past and am now embracing it. Everyone has a past, a history, and a story to tell. Yes, every persons is unique and no two people have the exact same story. Even if you lived in the same household, your story is different. This is because we all see from a different perspective. Your perspective is key to your victory. How you view a situation determines your outcome. If you see a situation as hopeless, you fight as though you already lost. If you remind yourself that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens you, you will fight as though the battle has already been won.
I am learning I have to change my mindset and perspective on alot of things. One is how I view myself. They say,"We are our own worse critic" and that is because most of the time we look in the mirror and only see our flaws. I realized the other day, when I look in the mirror i don't focus on myself. I focus on what I am doing. I fix my hair, brush my teeth, or do my makeup but I never really look at me. I see the outside, but never look past it.
A few weeks ago, I did my first race ever! I ran/jogged a 5k. It is definitely harder to run outside than in a gym...just sayin! Anyways, when I was preparing for the race I was doing like 6 miles a day in the gym and thought that it was going to be easy. Man was I wrong!!! About half way through I thought I wasn't going to make it. My knees were hurting and my legs were on fire. I met a girl named Tegan and we did the last mile together. It's easier to keep going when you have someone doing it with you. When I turned the corner and saw the finish line, I began to cry! I couldn't believe that I had done it! I was really going to finish this race!! The last bit of it I ran, even though my legs felt like they were going to fall off!
This was a small victory, but it made a huge impact. It reminded me not to lose focus, even when I can't see the finish line! I may still be struggling to win, but at least I'm still fighting! When I reach my goal weight, I'm not just going to be skinny... I'm going to be free!! I am learning and dealing with the root issues! So I can figure out what got me to this point in the first place and overcome it. Because if I lose the weight but don't deal with the issues, I will end up right back from where I started!
Part of it is, I need to believe I am worth it! I need to believe I am worth fighting for! I am worth the victory! God made me with a purpose and part of it is to become free and so that He can use me to free others.
Ok.... I'm going to stop for now because this is long, but I'll be back with updates soon!! Love you all! :)

Failure and Frustration

A very smart lady told me that I should share every aspect of my journey. So I have named this particular blog Failure and Frustration. I have no problem with admitting it's really hard for me to do it on my own. It sometimes puts me to tears when my friends are losing weight faster than me when I work so hard! I just don't understand! I sometimes wonder if this will be the story of my life..... A NEVER ending uphill battle. Just once in my life I want something to be easy, but I guess I wouldn't appreciate the victory as much.
You may be asking why I feel this way. I just moved back to Alabama, went to another country, started a new job, and have been pretty much at the same weight for a month! Ahhhhhhhh..... seriously! It's hard to keep the same routine, when all the circumstances change! I'm not going to lie, I really miss my trainer and my gym in NC!!!
I work at a private preschool now and I really love it! However when you work with kids, you never know what they are going to say. One of the little girls in my class said to me today, Ms. Tasha, you're too fat... You need to lose weight! as she finished her sentence another little boy said yeah you have a big belly. Normally this would not bother me, but since I have been feeling so frustrated, it really affected me.
I know this is another hurdle I have to get over, it's just hard at the moment. I'm being very open and honest. I realize in order to change my life and help others to change theirs, I have to be willing to share every part of me... The good, the bad, and yes the ugly!! :(
I have decided to go to counseling. I've always seen counseling in a negative way.I thought there must be something seriously wrong with you if you need counseling. But I now understand that it's a way to get an outsiders point of view. As they say, sometimes it's hard to see the forest through the trees. It's also nice to know you're not going crazy and you are NOT alone! I talked to a very special lady this week. God knew I needed it because it came at the perfect time! She talked to me and shared some things I really needed to hear. She gave me a letter and told me to read it everyday for 30 days. It's called A love Letter From Your Father. It's basically a love letter from God to you. It tells you what he thinks of you and his plans for you. I have been enjoying reading it. Now, I just need to believe thewords I am saying out loud!
No one every promised this would be easy! You are not defined by your failure, you are defined by the choice you make when you fail. do you get up and try again, or do you except defeat? That's where true character is shown!
Don't worry, I'll get out of this funk and continue on. I know it may seem impossible at times, but I'm not worried! God said in him all things are possible. So I have to do this through him and stop trying to do it on my own! Well that's all for now. :)

Facing new Challanges!!

I am getting ready to go to Guatemala on a mission trip, and I'm so so so excited!! I'm a little worried about the food that will be provided, but portioning well and preparing ahead of time will help me continue in my success! Last year we ate alot of chicken, white rice, flour tortillas, eggs, and pancakes. I can eat this, just in moderation. I'm going to take a few boxes of pure protein bars, brown rice cakes, peanut butter, and most importantly my 34 oz water bottle! Drinking 100 to 150 oz of water a day is key in losing weight. Most people are dehydrated, if you don't think you are take this challange and find out. Drink 50 oz of water before noon and 50 oz of water before 7pm. If you are constantly using the potty, you are dehydrated. If you find you are going as you would normally, congratulations on keeping yourself hydrated!! :)
I will admit I hit a platue for a few weeks and it killed me! I was so struggling with not seeing a result for my hard work, but I have to cut myself a little slack.... I was in the middle of moving and the stress of trying to find a job. Stress usually makes you gain weight, but luckily that didn't happen, I just stayed the same. You know, wen you drink alot of water you begin to really taste the difference in it. Like I don't like the taste of Aqafina, but I love smart water! Some waters just taste weird. like the water from my sink taste like it has metal in it. Yuck! Anyways, yesterday was Easter and I ate so much candy, that I will be happy if I never eat or see any of it ever again. I didn't really eat alot, but when you don't eat junk all week and just have it on Sunday's, a little can seem like alot. It made my tummy hurt!
So I am continuing on this journey but I have added a few passengers on this train of success! My friend Lisa is now working out with me and I have to say I love it!! it's always so much more fun to go to the gym with a friend! She sarted with me this past friday, and I have to say I am so proud of her! She has the same get it done attitude as me so I think we will do well together, pushing and encouraging each other! Her first day she did all the strength training I put her through and did 2 miles on the elliptical! She did great! She gave me the greatest compliment ever, she told me I'm like Jillian Michaels when I train but I am also super encouraging! That made my day. she told me the whole time she didn't like me, but I just replied with a "I don't care!" lol! I guess watching Jillian on BL really rubbed off! Hahahahaha!
So in case I didn't share it with you, my newest dream is to become a personal trainer and a motivational speaker!!! Who better to help someone dealing with weight issues than someone who has been there?!?! This is a bi dream for me, because it will have to be God helping me and requires alot of hard work, but it is going to be so so so worth it!!
Lisa and I are going to a Zumba class this afternoon and I am so looking forward to it!! If you get a chance, go to a dance or kickboxing class at the gym! You'll have a blast and burn between 600-800 calories in an hour!! I guess that's it for now, but make a healthy choice today! Because healthy choices lead to a long healthy life!!! Love you all! Feel free to share your stories with me!! <3

Embrace Change

So a little while ago I was walking through Walmart and I saw this necklace, it read "Embrace Change" on the front and "Life is a gift embrace it" on the back. I bought the necklace as a daily reminder to embrace what comes my way. I believe God gives us the desires of our hearts and part of my desire is to become healthy and live a long healthy life and help others do the same. I believe that everything happens for a reason and part of the reason I feel God brought me to Charlotte NC is to meet the family I would work for, who would introduce me to my trainer Betsy, who would connect me to Mrs. Lynne and kick my tail into shape. No, I have by no means lost all I need to, but I am on my way to living the way I have always wanted to. For those of you who do not know, I am about to move back to Huntsville Al. Side note, have you ever just wanted all the really cool people who are apart of your life to live in one place so you could be with everyone?!?! I hate saying goodbye! Anyways, it will be hard to leave but exciting too!
There is a saying, "Knowledge is power." if that is true I must be pretty powerful now. Most of my excuses for staying overweight was because I didn't know how to lose it the right way, but now thanks to the B.T.E. (Best Trainer Ever), I have the knowledge to succeed! I'm going back to Huntsville with the tools for success and a changed mindset! By next year, I will be a whole new person and it's because I'm changing more and more on the inside and it's reflecting on the outside. It's still a battle, and I have to be careful not to fall back into old habits because it's all to easy to do so. When it comes to weight loss, you can not compromise, because it will throw you off. You'll think, it's ok to have just one cookie, but who really only eats just one? I am finding the more I say no to those things that so used to tempt me, the less I crave those things. It's not always easy to say no especially during that time of month for us ladies. Betsy told me to chose a better option like fruit and yogurt instead of cookies and ice cream!
A couple weeks ago before the decision was made to move back to Al, I was struggling with what to do, because I was scared to move away and not have Betsy there if I needed her. But you know, just because there is a change in your life, doesn't mean that those people who are apart of your life are going to turn their back on you. I really believe God put Betsy in my life to help with this particular journey. Yes, it's a trainers job to help you get in shape, but you can tell if someone genuinely cares about you or it's about the cash. Betsy cares for the person, the cash is just a perk! lol! She is going to keep up with me even when I move!! She told me that as long as she driving my ship, I'm not going to sink. And just having someone believe that much in you gives you the courage to push forward and have confidence you can make it
I will miss the Y here in Charlotte. I made alot of good friends, and I love the classes I take! Mrs. Lynne's Kick Boxing class, Pace's Kick Boxing class, Koh's Zumba class, and Andre's Cardio Funk class are the ones I took weekly. I love Kick Boxing and Zumba, but my favorite is Cardio Funk! I loved that class. If you live in Charlotte, I recommend these classes! You will have fun and burn a ton of calories!! Anyways, I have some great news...... I have now gone from a size 26 jeans to a size 22 and from a size 26 shirt to a size 20!! I am so excited, because I feel so good and I have more confidence in myself! Betsy, Lynne, Pace, Andre, Beth, and Kasey, all my Y people, I will miss you very much! Thank you for helping this far along my journey! Ok, I'm done for now.... lol! <3

FEAR= Face Everything And Recover

OK... So as most of you know, I was on Atkins for quite a while. I found out that it is actually horrible for you. Yes, I lost 44 pounds while on it, but it is not a healthy diet. All that protein is hard on your body and your body can really only process 20 grams of protein at a time. When you do this particular diet, it is drilled in your head that carbs are bad and you have to stay away from them. So I would only eat between 10 & 20 carbs a day. After I stopped doing Atkins, I gained almost 30 pounds back. That totally sucked.
Long story short, I was so nervous when I started eating the food on the meal plan my trainer gave me. Side note, I still believe I have the best trainer in the entire world! Just saying! Anyways, she told me I had to trust her and trust the process. That's exactly what I had to do. One of the things I had to start doing is drink 100 to 150 ounces of water a day. I was able to start doing that right away. Btw... You have to go potty alot when you first start, but after that it's not so bad. I am now up to 68oz before noon & 68oz before 7pm. I haven't really drank anything but water for almost a month! That's exciting to me. I think all I had was one cup of coffee. lol!
I have been going to the gym for almost 6 months now and for a majority of the time, I was pretty much shooting myself in the foot because I wasn't eating enough and my body was storing what I did eat because I was working out so much. I was so mad when I found that out, but you live and learn right? I have been eating right and working out for a little over 3 weeks now. I have never felt so good. I am staying hydrated and building/ toning muscle the right way! Best of all, I'm happy to share that I have lost 15 pounds so far!! :) Yay me! lol!
The morning I weighed in and realized how much I have lost, I was super excited! My excitement was short lived because all those familiar fears came flooding back. I was reminded of every time I hard lost some weight and it all came back again. I think that's the biggest fear right now. Is that this will be like every other time. I'll lose it and then gain it right back. But the difference this time is, I am being given the tools to succeed, I have a support system, and I believe I can do it!
That's why I named this one FEAR, because fear is simply facing everything and recovering from it. I have to face all those things that says I won't be any different than my family and take them head on. I know I can do this!!! I will do this. :D

Training for the Win!!

Ok... SO it's been a few weeks since I last blogged. Alot has happened, but the thing I'm most excited about is my personal trainer! Her name is Betsy and she is Fantastic! If you have been overweight for any length of time, you know that most people have a comment about your weight or they'll tell you to go on a diet. But those same people, including doctors, do not want to help you fix the problem. That's why I am so thankful for Betsy. You know those people who genuinly care for others, yeah thats pretty much the type of person she is. I am not saying that this journey is going to become easy and I don't have to work as hard. NO, I'm saying that now that I have somebody showing how to change my eating habits, work out corretly, and above all how to get on the right track, a small part of my battle has already been won. If knowledge is power, I am getting stronger everyday.

If you have a story like mine, you were never taught how to eat right. So how can people expect you to know what to do and not to do? I had it all wrong, I would tend to not eat enough, and that was hurting me more than it helped me. Betsy gave me a meal plan, a grocery list, and a workout routine. She has literally given me the tools I lacked to succeed.

Everytime I tried to lose weight, I did it half heartedly because I felt I was setting myself up for another failure. That mindset is hard to break, and at times it's hard to make myself go to the gym because I'm afraid I'll fail again. But I keep going because somehow I know this time is different. When I had my consultation with her, I found the hope I had lost somewhere along the way. I am so thankful for this journey I have to walk, because although it's hard right now, I know when I beat this thing, I will have such an amazing story to share with people. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I moved to Charlotte and met Jocelyn for a reason. Jocelyn is the mom of the girls I nanny. She is the one who hooked me up with Betsy because she saw how hard I was working and how much I wanted this for myself. She believes I can do it, and so she gave me the help I needed.

So now I am eating the right way, working out in a way that's affective for my body, and drinking a gallon of water everyday. I have started some new cardio class and I love it. I went to a cardio kick boxing class and while I was waiting in line someone in the line next to me turned to me and said "maybe you should have started w/ an easier class." I just love when people judge what you can or can't do just by looking at you. I didn't even know that lady and she said that to me. Well if you know me, that just made me even more determined to do well and prove her wrong. I am so competitive. lol! So I pushed myself to the limit and I loved every minute of it! The same lady came up to me after class and told me I did well. Weird, she was watching. lol! So now my favorite classes are Cardio Kick Boxing, Zumba, and Cardio Funk!!!

I have Nicole, my friend, Jocelyn, Wendy, and Betsy behind me!! You watch, I am going to do it this time!! I may have my good days and bad days, but I will make it through because I am building a strong support system. So I want to say thank you to all of you who have and does believe in me! I especially want to say thank you to Nicole, Wendy, Jocelyn, and Betsy!! I love you and thank you for encouraging me and believing I can accomplish this dream! I will be updating more often! :) <3>

Keep Going

Ok.... so. I have an amazing boss! They got me a a personal trainer/nutritionist as a Christmas present. The holidays were a little rough, but I am back into my routine. It's crazy how just a few weeks out of your routine can knock you off track. All of my muscles are aching.
To begin, I have to journal pretty much everything about my day. What time I get up, what time I eat and what I eat, what time I drink and what I drink, what time I exercise and what I do and for how long, and what time I go to bed. It really puts things in perspective and it's alot harder to eat something that's not healthy for you when you have to put it in writing. It makes you evaluate yourself and helps you to be aware of what you're putting in your body.
I have done a food journal before, but since I wasn't really accountable to anyone, it didn't work out so well. So if you decide this is something you want to do, have an accountability partner!
It is really hard to lose weight by yourself, but it's not impossible. With the right people to help you and the right motivation you can do it. I was thinking the other day about addictions and this is what I came up with. If you're an alcoholic, a drug addict, or even a sex addict, you can live without these things. You can quit them cold turkey and once your free from them, you never have to face it again. I believe food addiction is the hardest addiction to break. Because unlike all the other addictions, you can't just stop eating. You have to face it at least 3 times a day. I know I can do this! It's going to take alot of hard work and determination, but I believe in myself. So I'm declaring, I will not give up or back down! I will do it this time!! This curse that has plagued my family, will be broken with me! :D To be cont.....

Learning New Things

So I have been taking it easy the last week and a half because I hurt myself at work. I was carrying a little boy down stairs, when he all of a sudden he did like a Jackie Chan movie and put both of his feet on the wall, blocking the already narrow stairwell. it almost caused me to fall, but I twisted quickly and grabbed onto the rail. All of a sudden I heard a pop and my back started burning. It didn't hurt very badly at first, but within the next couple of days the pain got worse and worse.
By the day after Thanksgiving I could barely walk and my back felt like it was all locked up. I took muscle relaxers, IBProfen, and tried heating pads and nothing was working. So after dealing with the pain and trying to work with it hurting so bad, I finally gave in and went to the chiropractor. The staff and the doctor were amazing. They were so nice and treated me very well. They took x-rays of my back. I found out that I have scoliosis. The lower part of your back is supposed to have an arch and mine is completely straight. The bend in my neck is going the opposite direction. I was a little nervous and scared when I heard this, but I decided that it would all be ok.
He told me it is fixable and that it would also improve as I continue to lose weight! Now I have another form of motivation. It really is incredible what getting into shape and choosing a healthy lifestyle can do for your life and your body. After only a week of going to the chiropractor, I am allowed to start going to the gym again. There are conditions for going to the gym though. I am allowed to do as much cardio as I want or can handle but I have to cut the amount of weights I've been lifting in half. I was up to between 60 and 100 pounds depending on the machine. I am limited to 30 pounds free weights. So I am going to take to push myself, but be very careful!
Now I am learning that no matter what life throws your way, you can overcome it. It may take longer than you want it to. But with hard work, diligence, and consistency you can accomplish anything. My new goal is to run in a marathon someday!! That's 26.2 miles and I know I can do it.
When you think of something taking a year to accomplish, we often think but that's so long and it seems like forever. But how many times did you say, "I'm going to lose weight and get healthy and gave up?" and before you knew it a year was gone and you are still unhappy and unhealthy. Think about it.... A year may seem like a long time, but if you put your mind to it and just do what needs to be done, the year will be over and you will have accomplished your goals!
Well that's all for my randomness for now... But just think about what I have said. Be back soon!

Knowing the Balance

I have been going to the gym faithfully for about 2 months now. I was getting so frustrated because I wasn't losing weight like I thought I should be. I realized that although I was disciplining myself to work out everyday, I wasn't disciplining myself to eat right all the time. I'm learning consistency is key when making a life change.
I am doing great with consistently pushing myself in the gym, but now it is time to do the same with my diet. I've only ever found one thing that works for me and that is the Atkins Low Carb Lifestyle. I'm about to kick it off hardcore! I'm not talking about eating only meat and cheese. You just cut out the breads, pasta, sugar, and dairy products. For the first 2 weeks, you eat meats, cheese, and eggs. That's the most strict part of the diet. Then you add fruits and veggies into you diet. You'll be surprised at how fast you notice a difference and you'll also notice you don't crave junk food anymore. You'll feel good and have a lot more energy.
I just got the Jillian Michael's workout for wii!!! I love it! You should definitely try it. Anyways, I am back on track and so excited about seeing the results I have been working for. I think more than anything I need to change my mindset. Every time I get close to breaking through that wall of impossibility, I back off subconsciously. It's almost as though I feel like I'm incapable of doing this myself. I can't wait to break through that barrier, and see myself completely as God sees me.
All in all, you have to know the balance. Diet to exercise, spiritual discipline to physical discipline, and Realistic expectations to Believing in yourself! I will definitely be updating my progress!

Accomplishing the Unimaginable

The human body is an amazing creation. I'm finding everyday that there is something new to learn about yourself. There is a strength inside of you that most of us aren't even aware of. On Wednesday, I ran a mile in 10 minutes. That was insane. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that was possible.
The next day I had an appointment with my personal Trainer, Beth. She is amazing. She's one of those people you know really cares and she pushes and encourages you to keep trying. Side Note, if you have a YMCA membership, you can get a trainer to teach a new routine every 6 to 8 weeks for free! My appointment with her was at 11:00am, so I went in about an hour and a half early. I decided to see just how far I could push myself. So I stretched then got on the elliptical. My goal was to beat my record and do 3 miles in 10 minutes each. I started running and soon I was running on a 7.0... I completed the first mile in 9 minutes 25 seconds. Walked on a 4.0 for 5 minutes, then did another mile in 10 minutes. Walked another 5 minutes, then did my last mile in 10 minutes. I finished up an hour on the elliptical. I burned 725 calories and desperately needed some water. Ha... So I went and got some water from the water fountain. I couldn't stop smiling, I was so proud of what I had just accomplished. Then with my legs feeling like noodles, I went to meet Beth for my appointment.
I had been on the same routine for about 6 weeks and now it was time to it up and challenge myself even more. She showed me different techniques on the machines I was already using. I went from lifting 30 pound to 60. Of course each machine is different depending on what muscle group I am working out. I learned I could do sit ups without holding my feet down. I did 30 sit ups, 15 holding a 8 pound medicine ball and 15 holding a 10 pound medicine ball. It was incredible. But most of all I faced one of my fears. She made me do a leaning pull up. The kind where you hold on to the bar and are leaning under it, and you do pull ups supporting all your weight. I did 24 of them!
When it comes to limits, most of them are just a mindset. How do we truly know what we are capable of if we never try?? I can't wait to see how I can challenge myself even more. I am very sore, but will be back in the gym tomorrow! If you have any advice or would like to share some of your story with me, I would be glad to hear it! Just remember, You CAN do it! My advice is to surround yourself with people who believe in you and will push you. I am here for you too! I can't wait to hear testimonies of the amazing accomplishments in your lives! Keep Pushing, Keep Fighting, and Keep Believing!!!

The only failure is when you Quit!

I am reading a book called "You are Not What You Weigh," by Lisa Bevere. It is one of the most phenominal books I have ever read. I recommend that everyone read it. She helps you realize that you are not alone in this struggle, but it is your choice whether or not to make a change. I just came off of a 3 day fast. I decided to do this to hear God's voice more clearly and to allow God to show me how to eat right and submit myself completely to Him in this area.
Something we have to realize is, God is not just God in some area's of your life, He is God in every area. He cares about every detail and wants us to allow Him access. You see, I didn't allow God access to this part of my life because I saw it as ugly. I didn't want Him to see such a disgraceful side of me. But not allowing God access only hurt me. The wounds that were locked inside that room weren't healed. Most people think that if you are overweight there is something wrong with you, and they're right. There are wounds that you and I are trying to hide instead of just letting God have it.
In Psalm 139, God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. So why is it that when we look in the mirror we find it so incredibly hard to say "I Love You"? We have no problem saying it to our family and friends, but it seems impossible to say it to ourselves and acctually mean it. Every person is made in God's image, so how dare we say to anyone including ourselves that they are ugly??? I'm still walking through this process, but instead of pushing God away from that room and locking the door, I am embracing it.
Today for the first time probably ever, I did 5 miles in the gym. Usually when it starts getting really hard I give up, but I chose to push through the pain and see what I was truly made of. I pictured God saying I could do it, just a little further. God is my biggest encourager! I also heard Jillian Michaels in my head screaming "unless you bleed, puke, or die Keep Moving." lol! Anyways, I have never been so proud after a work out in my life. I proved to myself that the strength is there, I just have to believe in myself and keep pushing. The only failure is when you quit. You can do this!
The process isn't always easy and it may hurt! But it will be sooo worth it in the end! Give yourself a chance. Let God work through the pain and love yourself enough to make a change! My life will be a testimony of God's faithfulness! Thank you for reading. I will continue to write.

The Fight Begins

This is my blog to weight loss. I decided to do this to not only watch myself change but to help others who are walking through the same thing or who may have a story like mine. From a young age you form habits, whether good or bad. One of the habits you form are eating habits. My parents learned from their parents, and their parents from their parents and so on. My parents didn't have good eating habits, so naturally I didn't either.

When I was younger my dad didn't always have the best temper. He had a bad temper and it was mostly when he was drinking. He would make me a plate of buttered spaghetti that was an adult portion. To this day I hate buttered spaghetti. Anyways, I had to eat everything on my plate or else get my tail beat. My cousins moved in with us for a while and the same went for them. They didn't always eat their food, so all 3 of us would get it. So finally instead of getting spanked, I would eat my food and theirs.

For a long time I blamed my weight and the way I was on my family. When I went to Masters Commission I worked through all of those issues and you know what? I realized those things weren't happening to me now and it is up to me and the decisions I make that affect my future. I decided to start fighting the battle to lose the weight and make changes in my life. I began this journey at 376 lbs. I lost 32 with the help of my friend Emily. Then during the summer before my 3rd year, I lived with a family whom I became very close to. Wendy became a mom to me. I have never met someone who cared, believed in me, and pushed me to prove to myself I can do this. She helped me along the way and during that time I lost another 44 lbs.

So far I have lost 76 lbs total and I have recently started on a routine workout schedule. I have a membership to the YMCA and their is a personal trainer helping me with losing weight. I feel so good after a work out and am getting stronger everyday. I love it. I finished my first full week of working out with a routine everyday. 1 hour of cardio everyday, 1hour of strength training Mon. Wed. & Fri., and watching what I eat is how I am doing it. I am determined to do this. I am making a change so that I can help others make a change.

I will keep blogging to help keep myself accountable. Thank you for reading. :)